The Peculiar Incident of a Witch in Waste
by Lexi Theory
Summary: Glinda was sure, if she asked, that there was a very good reason for Elphaba to be dangling inside the dumpster.


Um, hello. I pop on here occasionally to read, obviously, as this is fiction. Well that changed yesterday amidst adjusting bits of script, I simply couldn't help myself. A half hour and one slice of cake later I had a semblance of a short story sitting in front of me. And to think it all started with me giggling over the word bottom. Also I guess you'd call this a mix between Musical and Book.

**Disclaimer: **I own absolutely nothing so I hope you enjoy the blatant borrowing.

**The Peculiar Incident of a Witch in Waste**

Skipping dinner hadn't exactly been the best idea Glinda had ever participated in. It was only upon Pfannee's insistence, and very gruesome imagery, that Glinda even began to fathom the possibility. She voiced her opinion on the matter, stating that she'd very much like to eat dinner as the salad she'd had for lunch with Elphaba wasn't entirely filling. The chattering beside her stopped instantly. Glinda turned her head around to find Milla, Shen Shen, and Pfannee staring at her as if she'd grown an extra head.

"What?" She asked, eyes flicking between the three accordingly.

Pfannee was the first to speak. "Nothing," she waved her hand. "We just keep forgetting you actually associate with her, that's all."

"We're friends," Glinda corrected.

"Of course," Pfannee said brusquely, ending the conversation and switching topic. "Now as for the matter of dinner."

The dilemma was settled with a vote. Three to one. Dinner was bypassed and instead replaced with a leisurely stroll around campus. Milla explained it had become fashionable as of late to partake in such an activity. It relieved stress and burned off weight, all at the same time! Shen Shen pointed out that it also produced no embarrassing perspiration. Glinda thought it merely a tool to mask the sounds of grumbling stomachs. She would never admit it aloud, lest be teased to within an inch of her perfect curls, but it _was_ quite enjoyable to simply meander about without a destination in mind. It caused all sorts of thoughts to bubble in her head. Most about how ridiculous Pfannee looked attempting to flirt with every attractive boy who passed them by.

It wasn't long till Milla announced that they were nearing Crage Hall. Immediately Glinda's thoughts drifted towards her roommate. Was Elphaba eating right now? Or was she upstairs, curled on her bed, reading another dreadfully boring book? Glinda decided to imagine her reading. If, so nothing else, her mind would not roam to the food she so desperately wanted to consume. And where was Elphaba anyway? She never ate in the refectory with everyone else. Glinda half hoped, as they turned the corner of the dorms, that her friend would suddenly appear and save her from expiring.

Glinda smiled at the idea of Elphaba springing from behind a bush and frightening off the trio beside her. She rather enjoyed Elphaba's drier sense of humor and was finally beginning to understand her new, albeit strange, best friend. That was until Pfannee made a rather peculiar observation.

"Now it may either be that there are particularly large artichokes being grown in the kitchen gardens, Miss Glinda, or your roommate has finally heeded our advice and thrown herself where she rightfully belongs."

Glinda turned towards Pfannee, confused and a bit indignant at the remark. Milla and Shen Shen began giggling; Glinda suppressed the urge to turn her glare on them. Hadn't she told them to lay off Elphaba?

"I don't know what you're trying to say Pfannee but if- oh!" Glinda yelped as Pfannee grabbed her, rather rudely she noted, and spun her on the spot. A hand shot out from over Glinda's shoulder and pointed towards the back of the building.

"Your roommate is in the _garbage._" Pfannee said in a manner that hinted she was suppressing the urge to laugh. Thankfully Milla and Shen Shen were doing enough of that as it was.

Glinda couldn't respond. How could she? Elphaba had never done anything this… well this _unsettling_ before. Unusual, yes. Outspoken, sure. But this! This was… it was _undignified_, repulsive and downright _dirty_. Surely Pfannee had been mistaken. As if on cue Glinda found her head tilting to the side. Perhaps by changing the angle of her vision the figure in the dumpster would as well.

Nope, she'd recognize those boots anywhere. It was undoubtedly her roommate, green legs flailing foolishly from the rim of Crage Halls biggest rubbish collector.

Glinda sighed. She was never going to hear the end of this.

"Well?" Pfannee asked once Milla and Shen Shen had calmed.

"Well what, Miss Pfannee?" Glinda replied, posture visibly deflating.

"Surely you must have some excuse ready for this very odd behav-"

"And not to mention very public!" Shen Shen added hastily sending her and Milla back into a fit of giggles.

Pfannee nodded in acknowledgment, choosing to ignore that she was interrupted, as Shen Shen had a good point. "Yes, let us not forget how _very_ public it is indeed. "

All eyes turned toward Glinda, expectant.

Glinda became very interested in a loose curl behind her ear.

Pfannee smirked as she fluffed her skirt and gracefully sat down upon the bench beside them. Milla and Shen Shen soon followed leaving Glinda nowhere to sit, standing awkwardly in front of her so-called friends.

"We'll be right here." Pfannee said. She sat back and smiled pleasantly up at Glinda before engaging into conversation with the other occupants of the bench.

Glinda had been wholly and expertly put out. The nerve, she thought, to use her own tactics against her. The others showed no signs of interest in Glinda's new stance, hands defiantly placed on hips. They wouldn't speak to her until she confronted Elphaba.

Glinda let out a very unladylike huff as she turned on her heel and headed in the direction of where she expected to receive a very good and very worthwhile explanation.

* * *

Elphaba was too busy moving about larger sections of refuse to hear Glinda approach. She cursed loudly as a shard of glass pierced her skin. Repressing the urge to bring the contaminated finger to her mouth, Elphaba sighed. This was certainly the most undignified way to spend one's evening.

"Ahem!" Glinda cleared her throat for what felt like the thousandth time. The body perched precariously over the rim of the dumpster stopped flailing. A green face appeared, dark eyes locking instantly upon blue. Glinda inched as close to the bin as propriety allowed, a good 10 feet away.

Elphaba was growing impatient. "Yes Glinda?"

Glinda gestured wildly to the garbage. "_Whatareyoudoingintherubbishcollector?_" Came out in a jumbled hiss.

Elphaba raised an eyebrow in reply. "Come again?"

Glinda glanced over her shoulder. The others were still adamantly ignoring her and having on with their own discussion. Elphaba followed the blonde's gaze, realizing exactly why Glinda was behaving so terse. The sounds of giggles traveled over her ears. She rolled her eyes and disappeared from view again. Glinda chose that moment to look back at Elphaba. She frowned as she heard the sound of trash being moved again. "I said 'what are you doing in the rubbish collector?'"

"Nothing of interest to your little clique over there."

Glinda took a couple steps forward. She squealed as her left heel sank into the moist ground. "Ew! Ew!" She cried prying her precious shoe free and hopping quickly over the soiled grass to the pavement the dumpster rested upon. "Sweet Oz, Elphie! This is _most_ disgustified!"

"Imagine what it must feel like in here." Elphaba replied, amused.

Glinda shuddered at the thought. The smell alone was repulsive enough from her vantage point. "You still haven't answered my question." She said, sounding nasally. Elphaba figured the blonde must have pinched her nose shut.

Glinda stood staring at Elphaba's backside awaiting a response. When none was offered she released her nose and poked her roommate's nearest thigh. "Elphie?"

The unexpected contact nearly sent Elphaba head first into a pile of rotting vegetables. Her skirt hitched dangerously high as her feet flew over her head. She thrust her arms behind her, quickly steadying herself. Elphaba let out a breath, her face inches from what appeared to be an artichoke. How ironic, she thought, as she righted herself.

The whole scenario had only taken a second but it was enough time for Glinda to reach up and grasp Elphaba's thigh's, preventing her roommate from falling in altogether and consequently also giving her a glimpse of Elphaba's grey underclothes. Glinda immediately let go of her roommate and backed away several feet. Her face burned.

"Um," Glinda found she couldn't speak past the lump lodged in her throat. She coughed. "Are you… are you alright Elphie?"

"I'm fine," Elphaba said regaining her composure.

"Good because you still haven't answered my question." Glinda said looking back up at Elphaba's lower torso. A green hand moved out and attempted to right the mess that her skirt had become. "And it's rather unnerving talking to your bottom."

A cackle erupted from the black clad body. "_I_ find it unnerving that you choose my _bottom_ to speak with. I'm sure my boots would have been just as accommodating."

The heat in Glinda's cheeks was quickly becoming unbearable. "I can't go back there without some excuse."

"Why didn't you just tell them I'm looking for something Nessa carelessly had Nanny throw away?"

Glinda perked up. "Oh! That's a good one." And as an afterthought added, "Why didn't I think of that?"

More shuffling and clattering.

"Because, and I'm sorry if I offend you," Elphaba said halting her search as something just out of reach caught her attention. "You are incapable of thinking on your feet under pressure anddddddd," Elphaba groaned as she reached further into the pile to push aside a broken folding board. The impacting clang startled Glinda. Elphaba let out a long, frustrated breath and readjusted her weight against the rim. "You're also horrid at lying."

Glinda was caught off guard. She wasn't expecting Elphaba to sound so nonchalant. "I lie just fine!"

"What color are my underpants?"

Glinda wavered, cheeks turning pink. "Er, green?"

Elphaba laughed, her voice echoing inside the dumpster. "Just face it Glin, you're a horrible liar."

"I am not! That proves nothing. Ask me something else?" It came out more pleading than Glinda had intended.

Elphaba's head appeared over the rim, smirk firmly in place and one eyebrow already raised. "Why should I? I just proved that A, you can't think under pressure, and B, you're crap at lying. You're hesitant and unsure. Never hesitate." She said, pausing a moment to give Glinda an intent look before disappearing back into the garbage. "Besides, I know you know my underwear is not green as you can very well see it is grey."

If at all possible Glinda blushed more. "I can't see your underwear."

"Of course you can't." Elphaba smirked.

Glinda decided it was time to take control of the conversation before she was embarrassed further. By now she was sure Pfannee and the others could see her blazing cheeks. Glinda cleared her throat and looked in the direction she assumed Elphaba's head to be. "I plan to prove you wrong one day," she said. Then in the proudest voice she could muster added, "Just watch, I'll be the greatest liar Oz has ever seen!"

"Always an admirable goal in life."

"Elphie!" Glinda exclaimed, upset at not being taken seriously, _again_. It didn't help that her voice had raised several octaves towards whining. "You mean green thing!"

Glinda watched, sulking as Elphaba's body shook with laughter. At the rate she was going Glinda would be lucky to get an explanation out of Elphaba before nightfall. It was then that Glinda realized just how close to twilight it truly was. She never stopped to consider the implications of being seen in such a position once everyone had finished dinner. Glinda chanced a glance towards Pfannee who was careening her neck towards the refectory doors. It seemed at least Pfannee had considered the implications, and possibly even reveled in them.

"Ow, ow," Elphaba cringed between her subsiding chuckles. She used her free hand to rub the side of her stomach. "Hurts to laugh."

"Good, I hope it does." Glinda snapped.

Elphaba noticed the impatient tone in Glinda's voice. She sighed and repositioned herself along the edge so that she was sitting upright, facing Glinda. Her eyes instantly found the head of blonde curls she was looking for. "Glinda," Elphaba waited for her friend to respond. When no movement occurred she tried again, a little louder.

Finally, Glinda turned and raised her head towards Elphaba. But before Elphaba could even begin to apologize Glinda asked, once again, "What are you doing in the rubbish collector?"

It was the sincerity and concern behind the voice that nearly sent Elphaba toppling back into the garbage. She gripped the frame tighter, and met Glinda's steady gaze. A sigh escaped her. "Here," she said reaching into her pocket and withdrawing a small black notebook. Glinda sent Elphaba a questioning look but took a step closer to her roommate regardless. Elphaba slipped the notebook into Glinda's hands before slowly flipping back onto her stomach and resuming her earlier activities.

Glinda let her fingers trace the woven D on the lower corner of the cover. "It was Dillamonds," She whispered.

Elphaba muttered a response but Glinda could hardly hear her over the sounds of debris being thrown aggressively around the bin. There was a muffled "notes" followed sometime later by a resentful "unbelievable" and, more importantly, a very enraged "_Morrible_." Glinda didn't need an explanation anymore.

Elphaba's motions stopped the instant she felt a hand on the small of her back.

"Elphie?"

Elphaba twisted her neck around to find a pair of soft blue eyes peeking over the rim.

"Do you need help?" Glinda asked.

Elphaba allowed a smile. "My sweet, I don't think someone as pretty as you should be seen in something as filthy as this."

Glinda grinned. "That's not what I asked."

"You'll ruin your shoes."

"You're right," Glinda agreed and dropped out of view. Elphaba's brow furrowed, puzzled as she heard the sounds of fabric rustling followed by two small thuds on the pavement. A moment later Glinda's eyes were peeking back over the rim. "Problem solved, now help me up." She said extending her arms towards Elphaba, wiggling her fingers expectantly.

Elphaba couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. "You do realize you'll also ruin your dress."

The blue eyes suddenly took on a playful glint. "Are you suggesting I remove my dress as well Miss Elphaba?"

It was Elphaba's turn to blush several shades of dark green. "I, er… what I meant to say… um, you don't…"

Glinda giggled. "I was only teasing Elphie. Now seriously," She said shaking her arms at Elphaba. "Help. Me. Up."

"But your dress!" Elphaba blurted, whipping her body around to block Glinda from attempting reputation suicide. She slammed her boots flat against the side paneling, knees pointed out towards Glinda.

"Elphie," Glinda sighed laying her hands atop Elphaba's bent knees. Her roommate's legs tensed at the light touch. "I do not care about this dress."

Elphaba opened her mouth to protest but stopped when she felt Glinda tighten her hold.

"Let me finish," Glinda said, making sure Elphaba was looking directly at her before continuing. "I do not care what everyone will think when they see me, with you, digging through a rubbish bin. I do not care because right now I _only_ care about helping you. And if that means getting a little dirty, and possibly sick in the process, then so be it. This is important to you so it's important to me." She softened at the last bit and affectionately patted Elphaba's knees. Glinda smiled up at her roommate until a thought entered her head. The corner of her mouth quirked up in what could only be described as sinister glee. "Besides imagine the look on Pfannee's face when she sees me willingly digging about the rubbish in her new dress."

That was all the encouragement Elphaba needed to reach down and help Glinda up. They couldn't see Pfannee's reaction in the dimming sunlight, but the piercing wail heard across all of Shiz was more than satisfying for them both.


End file.
